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Conversation about cheese

Burger store owner:  "Would you like cheese with that?"

Customer with a blue tie:  "What kind of cheese is it?

Burger store owner (BSO):  “American cheese”

Customer with a blue tie (CBT):  “How much is it?”

BSO:  “Just 15¢ more.”

CBT:  “What if I wanted a different cheese?”

BSO:  “Sorry, we don’t have any different cheese.”

CBT:  “But you should, there are people who would want a different cheese.”

BSO:  “Well, we’ve found that most of our customers who want cheese on their burgers are satisfied with American cheese.”

CBT:  “There’s a whole market of other people who are not having their cheese needs met by your business.”

BSO:  “It is not worth the costs to have the other cheeses for the occasional customer who wants a different cheese.”

CBT:  “Well, I’m from your friendly neighborhood government and we are now going to demand that you offer other cheeses to your customers.”

BSO:  “Oh, is that so.  Well, what cheeses must I now make available?”

CBT:  “Let’s see, Cheddar, Colby, Swiss, Provolone, Blue, and Limburger.”

BSO:  “Seriously, nobody wants Limburger.”

CBT:  “Our studies show that 2 customers out of every 6500 would buy Limburger.”

BSO:  “So, I’ll need to have 2 slices of Limburger on hand each week for the chance that the Limburger patron comes in and buys a burger?”

CBT:  “Well, no, actually, you’ll need to make Limburger available to all your customers, just in case they want it.  So, that means you’ll have to about 300 pounds of Limburger, and each of the other cheeses as well.  You never know when a customer will want to have something else.”

BSO:  “If that is the case, then my cost of cheese is going to go from 15¢ more to $3.15 more.  If I do that, nobody will buy cheese.”

CBT:  “Yeah, that’s the other thing.  You won’t be able to sell the cheese for more than 85¢ more per customer.”

BSO:  “Okay, so I’ll just stop offering any cheese at all.”

CBT:  “You can’t do that, we’re making it mandatory.  Any establishment that sells cooked food will now going to be required to offer cheese.”

BSO:  “That’s just insane, who can stay in business doing that?”

CBT:  “You’ll just have to make your profit on other things that you sell.”

BSO:  “Nobody is going to come to my shop once they find out how much I have to charge for my products to make up for this cheese mandate.”

CBT:  “Don’t worry, they’ll have to.”

BSO:  “How’s that?”

CBT:  “We are going to make it a requirement that people buy their cheese only from approved shops, like yours.”

BSO:  “But they won’t be able to afford it.”

CBT:  “We’ve got that figured out to.  We’re going to give everyone a stipend of $8 a month for cheese purchases.”

BSO:  “What about those who get their cheese from someone else?”

CBT:  “They won’t be able to do that anymore.”

BSO:  “How about those who don’t need that much cheese.”

CBT:  “They will have to buy that much anyway, because that’s going to be the same money used to keep shops like yours in business.”

BSO:  “This just doesn’t make any sense.”

CBT:  “Careful, with that kind of talk we won’t license you for any sales, let alone cheese.”

BSO:  “Sheesh!  Here’s your burger.”

CBT:  “Thanks.  Oh, wait, it’s got cheese on it.  I don’t want cheese.”

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